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The Proliferation of Christmas

Christmas seems to be appearing earlier and earlier each year.  The first identifiable manifestation of Christmas that I saw this year was in September!  This is way too early, and perhaps a future UKIP government would try and do something about this by passing a “Sanctity of Christmas Act”.

The “Sanctity of Christmas Act” would require that, before December, there must be no advertising that has either an overt or covert mention of Christmas in it.  Before December, there must be no Christmas decoration anywhere, and if a wreath is observed hanging on anybody’s door, there had better be somebody dead inside.  Before December, any tree that is indoors must be no bigger than a bonsai tree, and under no circumstances may it be adorned with anything resembling tinsel or shiny, dangly objects.

Before December, the broadcasters would be required to refrain from showing any films with a theme of Christmas celebration, and no radio station will be allowed to play recordings of any songs that mention Christmas or are recognised Christmas carols.  Any person found singing Christmas carols in public will be charged under noise pollution regulations, although some leeway can be given if the person involved is leaving a pub rat-arsed.

Any begging letters addressed to a certain personage supposedly resident at the North Pole that arrive in the Post Office sorting offices before December will be returned to the sender with the  endorsement “Bah, Humbug!” stamped on the envelope and return postage due.

The institutions of academia, especially agricultural colleges, should be advised that, before December, no more than two wise men may approach a stable at any one time.  Of course, the definition of what constitutes a “wise man” should not be put into statute, but should be left to the judiciary to decide, as the judiciary can then more easily amend this if necessary, for example if a Professor of Agricultural Studies is later found to be a member of one of the main political parties, which would call their wisdom into question.  The judiciary should also develop the law to suit the situation, such as the “third ‘Ho’” rule, to cover things like the following scenario.  Before December, it is permissible to utter the expression “Ho Ho” as a manifestation of jollity.  However, before December, should a jolly old man add the third “Ho”, and the expression becomes “Ho Ho Ho”, then his feet won’t touch!

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About Phillip Smith (43 Articles)
Phillip Smith is a retired aircraft maintenance engineer and former serviceman. He has been a member of UKIP since 1995.

4 Comments on The Proliferation of Christmas

  1. In a secular society, Christmas has become a business opportunity and the earlier shopping starts, the better for our economy. The festival is an acceptable relic of times past when it was either mandatory to celebrate it (under Roman Catholicism) or mandatory not to celebrate it (Puritanism under Cromwell). Nowadays we celebrate it how we choose, and the run-up to Christmas is probably the most enjoyable part, because the day itself is soon over and there is an anti-climax until New Year’s Eve.
    Why is Islam so important to Muslims, Stephen? Because they’ve been brainwashed from babies. Children have been indoctrinated to within an inch of their lives and been discouraged from ever thinking for themselves and evaluating their religion objectively. Faith is not a ‘gift’ but a curse, so don’t feel guilty for not passing it on. Children should be left free to decide for themselves – no one should indoctrinate them with supernatural beliefs. It’s what used to happen in this country and all over Christendom in the bad old days when you would be punished for unbelief. But that was then and this is now, so enjoy Christmas without any obligation to take it seriously. People who want to make it a holy time and go to church are just as entitled as the rest of us to do what they want. This is a good situation.

  2. Very funny. And how reassuring to the Civil Service and the EU that UKIP also is becoming a convert to the need for draconian interference with everyday life. We need more of It in April!

  3. Presumably written tongue in cheek ? Well I smiled anyway. But the point made is a valid one.

  4. Stephen Barraclough // November 8, 2014 at 8:20 pm //

    I think that a future UKIP government would have FAR TOO MUCH to take care of! We Christians have to try our best to take this matter in hand, by education! Why is Islam so important to so many Asians? Because THEIR PARENTS DON’T LEAVE THEM UN-AWARE! It’s a lesson WE have forgotten, there are so many without faith because although WE recieved it (AS A GIFT!) we failed to pass the gift on, and to OUR OWN KIN! (We should actually be ashamed….and I AM!)

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