Firstly, we publish this Invitation from UKIP Surrey – places are still available:
UKIP Surrey Invites you to our First, Annual Surrey Dinner
Friday November 24th at 6.45 pm for 7.30pm.
Includes after dinner band
David Kurten AM, UKIP Education Spokesman
Henry Bolton OBE UKIP Leader
Auction: Guided tour of the London Assembly and lunch or tea with your host – David Kurten
Raffle Prizes: Short break for two at The Percy Arms or The Chapter House in Salisbury; Champagne: Henry the lion and more
£40 per head – Book now online:
To obtain menu details please contact email@example.com TELEPHONE 01784 454854
You will need to give us your choices beforehand
Helena Windsor, UKIP Surrey Chair
Next, a letter from our correspondent Mike Kennedy which speaks for itself:
Headline on BBC 6 o’clock News today, Thursday 10th November: “The UK has two weeks to make it clear what it will pay for to leave the EU so talks on a trade deal may start next month”.
How pathetic is the UK negotiating stance?
I am fed up with the inept, incompetent and weak-kneed approach and the apparent lack of preparation. Why is there never any response by the UK side to all the EU demands and deadline setting? Why does the UK never make any demands, set any deadlines or appear to have any firm requirements?
Why doesn’t the UK state firmly that it has already made a major concession (at Florence) to continue paying EU contributions after leaving in March 2019 until the end of the current budgetary period, end 2020? So in return it requires the EU to make clear;
- when the final UK rebate will be paid (because it is returned a year in arrears),
- what part of the funds in the EU Investment Bank will be returned,
- what share of EU assets will be refunded
- that trade talks must begin by, say, First December 2017.
Why doesn’t the UK start showing some gumption, some management ability and real care for Britain’s interests?
Of course the UK should have followed the plan outlined by UKIP’s Gerard Batten, avoided Article 50, and pursued a course designed by the UK. Given that we are so entwined in this negotiating mire we now need a real leader to replace Theresa May and show some determination and confidence. We also need UKIP leaders to start commenting on the incompetence of this Government and to telling what should be done. The public would be bound to take notice if UKIP show a lead.
Respectfully, Mike Kennedy
Finally, because it’s Sunday, a joke which is making the rounds and has been sent in by a few of our correspondents (you know who you are!) – enjoy!
David Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key when Mr Barnier the Membership Secretary sees him.
“Hello Mr Davis”, says Mr Barnier. “I’m sorry to hear you are no longer renewing your club membership? If you would like to come to my office we can settle your account”.
“I have settled my bar bill” says Mr Davis.
“Ah yes Mr Davis”, says Mr Barnier, “but there are other matters that need settlement”.
In Mr Barnier’s office Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
“Well Mr Davis” begins Mr Barnier, “you did agree to buy one of our Club Jackets”.
“Yes” agrees Mr Davis “I did agree to buy a jacket but I haven’t received it yet. As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the full amount”.
“That will not be possible” explains Mr Barnier. “As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one of our jackets”!
“But you still want me to pay for it!” exclaims Mr Davis.
“Yes” says Mr Barnier, “That will be £500 for the jacket. There is also your bar bill”.
“But I’ve already settled my bar bill” says Mr Davis.
“Yes” says Mr Barnier, “but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders with the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked. You regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming year. You therefore owe us £2600 for the year”.
“Will you still allow me to have these drinks?” asks Mr Davis.
“No of course not Mr Davis. You are no longer a club member!” says Mr Barnier.
“Next is your restaurant bill” continues Mr Barnier. “In the same manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers.Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we’ll require payment of £3600 for the next year”.
“I don’t suppose you’ll be letting me have these meals either” asks Mr Davis.
“No, of course not” says an irritated Mr Barnier, “you are no longer a club member!”
“Then of course” Mr Barnier continues, “there are repairs to the clubhouse roof”.
“Clubhouse roof” exclaims Mr Davis, “What’s that got to do with me?”
“Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are coming in next week. Your share of the bill is £2000”.
“I see” says Mr Davis, “anything else?”.
“Now you mention it” says Mr Barnier, “there is Fred the Barman’s pension. We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred’s pension when he retires next month. He’s not well you know so I doubt we’ll need to ask you for payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do it. This brings your total bill to £10,000” says Mr Barnier.
“Let me get this straight” says Mr Davis, “you want me to pay £500 for a jacket you won’t let me have, £2600 for beverages you won’t let me drink and £3600 for food you won’t let me eat, all under a roof I won’t be allowed under and not served by a bloke who’s going to retire next month!”
“Yes, it’s all perfectly clear and quite reasonable” says Mr Barnier.
“Piss off!” says Mr Davis.
What is “piss off” in French, and could someone forward that expression to Mr Davis, please?